I am getting rather restless and lonely. Time by myself has been awesome. I haven't felt that free in a long time and it has taught me that bullshit relationships are just that bullshit and not worth any one's time. There is this girl at work that causes drama all the time...mostly boy drama. I am so over it. Her talking about her boyfriend as if he was good. All he is a controlling, asshole, who does not know how to treat a girl properly. What is this world gone too. I mean is there a guy that is honestly good, and can make a girl laugh and be that rock for her. I donno, I think I am very stuck in my ways and what I am looking for. I have been on countless worthless dates with guys who fall head over heels with me and here I am questioning why am I wasting my time talking to a wall, or a prick, or guys that don't deserve me. I have not come across a guy that I find good qualities in. It is rather discouraging. I know I am not asking the world or anything with what I want. This is what I want:

- a guy who can communicate
- who treats his mamma like gold, for if he treats his mamma in this way, this is a very good indication that he will treat his girl that way to..like gold.
- a guy who can make me laugh, with his lame jokes and silly names or phrases.
- a guy who has that look in his eyes (o on the topic of eyes...I love blue eyes, "look" being: sexy, mysterious, cheeky, coy. It is that look that can stop you dead in your tracks and that can take your breath away.
- O a guy who can swim, perhaps love water sports.
- a guy who is athletic, and can kick my bum into shape when I get lazy. lol.
- a guy who is smart...can argue and win any conversation with effort put in. That way I can argue and improve on my arguing techniques. and well know that I have a guy who can vocally speak his mind.
- a guy who is cute/hot/beautiful/dorky/wonderful looking. sigh.
- o a guy who smells of so good.
- a guy who is willing to shove my driveway when it is freezing cold...i know this one is pushing it but its cold and I am too skinny to freeze my toes and nose outside. Be a man boys. hehe
- o a guy that likes good movies...like the dork in me star wars...my fav character personally is Darth Vader...I love those tragically flawed characters. Besides who doesnt like the darkside. I do...its sexy. Loves movies like superbad and 300.
- O ya a guy who is not religious. I can't deal with that card. I mean...it does not seem logical that your partner is religious and therefore "saving" themselves til marriage when you and I have had relations before. It is not right at all. They would be your 5th "special" one and you would be their first and only....???? If your saving yourself...go find another virgin who thinks the same...It is not fair on either side. Things rarely work out.
- A guy that I can bring home to the folks but underneath it all an amazing lover who is a tad but crazy in bed.
- A guy who has great friends.
- A guy who thinks the little things matter.
- A guy who is honest
- A guy who is LOYAL!!!
- A guy who is going to something post-secondary, and has a job.

Ahh. I have little hope. Therefore I am not holding my breath for no one. I'll just wait and forget and then the perfect guy will come along. I hope my matchmaking days are short lived, I am tired of hooking up people. I see them happy and in bliss and ignoring everything else...Like hello hang out with other people that matter to you.

I think most importantly I need to open up and be more willing to guys that don't have what I want. But then I realize, I know what I want and why settle for anything different. I just dont have faith this Guy exists. I just what a partner/lover/best friend what ever combination you can come up with that involves being a friend and bf. I suppose I am a hopeless romantic.

Why the fuck do I have a heart of gold and care about people soo much. They all suck and I get the short end of the deal, when they have given nothing and me everything. It fucky sucks. O and I have a well taugh lesson from work. Don't cry over ANY one who won't cry about you. Thats a very good motto to live by. And I have applied it to my life. It is not worth it. In the end it shows that you are the weaker person. Why bother when the person does not give a shit about you. I hate that I care too much about people. In the end I always end up hurt. Betrayals suck. People disapoint and I am left to pick up the pieces that never should of been broken.

I have a very good intuition. Usually it comes about. I get that feeling sometimes and I try and reject it for I am afraid that this feeling is only there cause I want to believe in it so bad.