I am trying to figure some things out right now. Its hard cause I am having so much trouble doing so. I am just trying to make sense of life again. I have such a hard time making sense of it. life is such a mystery to me right now, I want to discover it. I want to find the meaning of it, the organic nature to it, whats important. I think what I am looking for is struggle, I need maybe some sort of sadness or hardship. I donno. I honestly dont know. I get tastes of the feeling I am trying to achive. and when I do I feel it strong, sometimes weak, but I always savor the moments.

I wanna run in the darkness, run to the feild, the hills. collapse to the ground and embrace the grass, embrace the stars. watch the cars go by on the road below and look at the skyline. Look at the downtown skyscrapers. feel the through my hair, kiss my face.

Maybe I just hoping for nothing. maybe my wish of finding this feeling I cant describe isnt going to come true.