I thought this was going to all work out in the end. I thought that I had finally found that special someone. I am having my doubts. It seemed so perfect back then, like I had actually something to look forward to when I got back home. I have thought about every possible reason why this is not working out. So far I have not thought of anything that places the blame on me. Maybe I am to blame for our failure to be together. But then again I am the only one that actually keeps us in conversation. The people that I have been talking to say I have every right to ask him out on what we are....just friends or more than that. I wanna ask but, I am afraid at what it could bring to me if I do. I don't want to jepradize what could be coming for us. I think the first step is to actually set up a date and see how it goes and ask what our relationship is at the end of it. I think thats my safest beat, right now. But I hate confontation. I hate confronting people, thats the last thing on earth I ever wanna do. I don't like causing trouble or hate. I am worried that when it does come to the time that I have to ask that hard question that at the end of it, we will never talk or see each other again. I atleast want to remain friends with him, if it doesn't end up working. But I really want that relationship with him, with any guy for that matter that I am attracted to. I need to feel that feeling of being loved, to be in love. I need the kisses, the hugs, the holding hands, the cuddling. All of this is kinda making me depressed a little. My worst fear in life is to be alone, some times when I am out and about I will freak out and have this feeling in my heart that omg, I am gonna be a spinster. People have always said to me, the right person will come along when I am not looking...I have done that. I am tired of waiting. I look at kakes and wonder, am I ever gonna get to that point that she is at with her boyfriend...I mean she is already asking me to give her some ideas for her 5 month thing, I gave good ideas which really hope I can use some time soon, cause they are really cool date ideas.