Stupid diaryland. Its not been working. SO I�ll just write in word til it is fixed.
I had a huge surprise this past week. Someone, someone talked to me randomly. Why I had no clue, but it was nice to talk again. And well to see again.
There is so much I want to put down here. But I not sure if that is wise. I have to weigh the pros and cons.
I think I�ll write what just comes out, no matter what it is. I have to get it out.
The weather was crappy as hell today. First the down pour of rain and then the combo of rain and snow. Lucky I stayed inside all day nice and warm� thanks ;)
I have one last final and then, I pretty much free for a while. That is a needed stress off me. I still have other things on my mind. There are a couple of guys sorta floating around. I mean I am not seeing anything pan out from any of them, I have hope. I want something to pan out, but I have no expectations for I am not going through a let down. One is to inexperienced for my taste and well the other is just for fun thing. Both of them know that I do kinda have feelings for them.
I need to pause and take a moment. I need my heart to let go of that boy. My mind already has. This is the final step in setting me free. The only thing I regret is that I put everything in it. I saw so much in that relationship. I guess I should not of been so blind. I don�t know the full impact that this experience has brought. In the shape of things to come I will not be putting my heart on the line unless I see real beauty and a real something there that is of lasting quality. I understand when some one falls out of like or love. It just sucks like no tomorrow when it happens to you. I know I should be over this and it has gotten so much better. Thank god. Wasting my time thinking about anything related to the boy is really a sad waste of my time.
I have promised myself these things:
1. Never let a guy break my heart ever again.
2. Be the sexy, beautiful girl that I am
3. Always be true to who I am
4. To have a guy that is my lover and best friend.
5. To run around the block every day
6. To gain more life experience.
7. To have fun this summer
8. To shake that thing�lol.
I think what my problem is that my heart is at a place years ahead of where I actually am.
Ahhh. I love to cuddle and I got some this week and it was great. It calms me right down and makes me feel safe. I am all smiles.
May 6, 2007
My head likes to screw with me. Like hard core. I really don�t know where I am at. I just don�t know what to think. I always over analyze things and I think in this case I am. A lot. A lot. I need to clear the air between a couple of people. Get everything on the table and go form there. I guess this DRAMA. If you want to call it that, is what entertains us at work. I think I�ll clear the air with someone tomorrow. I already have an idea of it is in my head� I hope to god I am wrong. Really I hope.
May 7, 2007
Snow Patrol Signal Fire Lyrics
The perfect words never crossed my mind,
'cause there was nothing in there but you,
I felt every ounce of me screaming out,
But the sound was trapped deep in me,
All I wanted just sped right past me,
While I was rooted fast to the earth,
I could be stuck here for a thousand years,
Without your arms to drag me out,
There you are standing right in front of me
All this fear falls away to leave me naked,
Hold me close cause I need you to guide me to safety
No I won't wait forever
In the confusion and the aftermath,
You are my signal fire,
The only resolution and the only joy,
Is the faint spark of forgiveness in your eyes,
There you are standing right in front of me
All this fear falls away to leave me naked,
Hold me close cause I need you to guide me to safety,
There you are standing right in front of me
All this fear falls away to leave me naked,
Hold me close cause I need you to guide me to safety,
No I won't wait forever
-I loved this song from Spiderman 3. Songs like these get me some where deep.